Can Love and Jealousy Coexist?
Today’s society lives in a turbulent period marked by horrific crimes, incomprehensible suicides, the constant threat of yet another terrorist attack, and the rapidly worsening economic and social crisis. Nowadays, human beings often lose touch with – and even reject – their own identity, worn down physically, psychologically, and spiritually by the ceaseless turmoil around them.
And yet, there are moments that illuminate the long, shadowed path we perceive through rigid certainties that silence our Intuition. The powerlessness we feel every second pushes us to point fingers at others whenever things slip beyond our control, instead of savoring the opportunities life offers to awaken the Light guiding us back to our true Essence.
We humans are relational beings. It is through relationships that we live, grow, and reconnect. From the womb to our ascension into the Light, we are surrounded by people with whom we interact, share feelings, thoughts, emotions, and experiences – in short, with whom we share the Energy that is essential to us.
That Energy is Love.
It may seem utopian to believe in the power of Love in today’s world. To some, it might seem trivial—even unnecessary. Why bother? In a world of conflict, at war with itself, constantly disrespecting the self, what use is Love?
It serves no purpose! Love does not serve—it simply exists, Shares, Devotes, Reveals, Awakens! As Plato reminds us, Love merely guides us toward the natural human condition. Plato compared Love to a ladder of seven steps: the first step is physical love, and the last is love for higher realities. Each step is Love, though fixating on the first is to stagnate, missing the fullness available to those who ascend the ladder.
Years ago, I wrote an article about Love in which I outlined what I considered the seven phases of Love. Initially intended for romantic Love, they can, nonetheless, be applied to all forms of Love. The first phase is the Ego, as Love blossoms in response to our needs for attention, affection, admiration, recognition, and Surrender. The second phase is Destiny—life events drive the development of Love. These lead to the phase of Illusion, where Love grows shrouded in veils that obscure who we are and what we desire. Consciousness marks the phase where Love begins maturing through self-knowledge. The fifth phase, Disillusionment, follows—here the illusory veils fall, revealing our true Essence. With this discovery, Love enters the phase of Commitment. Once a conscious agreement is reached, the path to the seventh phase, Detachment, is illuminated—allowing for a selfless and unconditional Love.
Thus, we arrive at the Love of Parmenides, which awakens human intelligence; the Love of Empedocles, which governs the universe through Union; and the Love of Aristotle, which divides Man between contemplation and Sharing. It is time to follow the example of enlightened beings, like Gandhi or Mother Teresa of Calcutta, who demonstrated through their actions the “subtlest force in the world“—Love.
Ultimately, Love is the Energy that moves humanity, inspiring action and growth. It is the Energy we experience within and share with others through Respect, Dedication, Commitment, Joy, Compassion, Care, and Companionship. As Honoré de Balzac reminds us, Love “is not merely a feeling: it is also an art.”
Love is the art of channeling Energy. Love is the art of revealing and offering our Essence, conscious of each Transformation within us, each doubt life presents, each fear we encounter. As Energy, Love is a living organism. And like any living organism, Love is born, grows, matures, and transforms, requiring nourishment and a healthy, natural presence. This nourishment is the Consciousness with which we experience it.
Is it, then, utopian to turn to Love? Turning to Love is vital for human survival. Today, however, there exists the notion of a Love that wounds, that kills, that hates when denied or contradicted. Often, violent acts are justified in the name of Love—or sometimes, jealousy is seen as proof of Love. It is crucial to question this widely accepted link between Love and jealousy—two concepts bound by common sense but separated in Essence. This is the central aim of this essay: to explore the concepts of Love and jealousy, to understand if they can coexist, and to discern their role in human development and the harmonization of the universe.
Having reflected on Love, we must now turn to jealousy. What is it? What triggers jealousy? We may feel jealousy toward objects, animals, people, or experiences. And what motivates it? Is it Love? Fear? Pride? Freud considered jealousy a “projection of the virtual possibility of betraying one’s partner”, suggesting that its root lies in a hidden desire to betray.
I partially agree with Freud. I believe we can be in a relationship without contemplating betraying those we love. The truth is, unconsciously, we know we are not entirely faithful. Fidelity is illusory if we consider that when we enter a relationship, we see what we wish to see, not who is truly before us. The masks we insist on wearing deceive others and ourselves, for attraction makes us idealize the other. Thus, instead of one relationship, we live with two: the one beside us and the one we imagine. Hence, I tend to agree that jealousy is motivated by a projection of our inner experiences.
The concept of jealousy is far from consensual. Some theorists define it as a feeling, others as a negative emotion, and yet others as a complex of thoughts, emotions, and actions. Pines and Aronson, for instance, describe it as an innate biological response, a “complex reaction to a perceived threat to a valued relationship or its quality”.
At the beginning of this essay, I thought I had a theory on the coexistence of Love and jealousy. I always saw jealousy as a sign of insecurity, lack of Trust in the other, lack of Respect for individual space—therefore, lack of Love. The answer seemed clear: no, Love and jealousy cannot coexist. No way!
The truth is that now, more than a cause, a feeling, an emotion, a symptom, or a lack, jealousy is for me a call—a call from our Essence to grow, to embrace with an open heart the changes life offers, and to consciously savor the experiences each phase of Love provides. I believe Love is born within us for ourselves before it extends to others. Thus, jealousy arises only when we unconsciously recognize that something within us must change to fully receive the Happiness life provides.
And how can Love and jealousy foster human development and the world’s harmony?
Simple! By experiencing them consciously—aware of our Responsibilities and of our influence in their healthy application to our lives. Love is Energy, the Energy that completes us, and the art of channeling it within ourselves and to others. Jealousy is a call, a channel through which our inner self makes the path of our development conscious. From this understanding, we must assume full Responsibility for the changes needed to attain our Happiness, Balance, and the Harmony of the world. This Path can help us grow emotionally in a healthier way, nurturing true Happiness and Love in our shared spaces.
This is the secret to interacting with others. In any relationship, it is crucial to observe the emotions, behaviors, and feelings evoked within us by others’ actions, rather than focusing on them. Others are the recipients of our Love. How, then, can we demand explanations, justifications, or Responsibilities from those to whom we give our Love? Love is ours, dedication is ours, and so too is the Responsibility to live and share it genuinely and healthily.
Humanity both desires and fears Love. It feels overpowered by it. Love is a force that cannot be controlled or avoided. And this is the next step. Love is not to be controlled or avoided. Love flows as the wind flows beneath a bird’s wings, carrying it through the air. Love is received as an ally. Love flows as rivers flow to the sea, joining countless others and transforming into a rippling Dream. Love is savored and celebrated. Humanity spent centuries trying to control it, failing to realize that two forces—Nature and Love—remind us daily that the present and future demand Consciousness, tolerance, Compassion, Respect, and, above all, Sharing. Nature and Love are universal forces that overcome every obstacle on their path.
Finally, yes… Love and jealousy can coexist. Jealousy is not a sign of Love, nor does Love motivate jealousy. They are intrinsic to Humanity and human development. Given that Love is a living organism that passes through diverse stages, it is natural that moments of change and adaptation bring doubts, fears, and apprehensions. Just as humans seek what is essential, so does Love, through an energetic journey of one, two, three, or millions, called life.
